Chance by Design

Mortal Mindy's picture

The final design for a new  Minehead for a planning application is revealed:

This is the outcome of  a Conspiracy Theory that can now be explained:

Step One was for Bingo Bob to piss off the EU by exposing its culture of expenses payments to MEPS and then get voted into a Govt that wants the UK to get OUT of the EU.  The EU then decided to invest more money into the UK as a bribe but its payments system,  and possibly a rogue clerk with fat fingers,  sent millions of Euros by error to the UKraine.   To cover up this 'ledger' error the NIA published quantum pictures of President Putin riding naked on a stallion.  This homophobic plot to fist the President was short lived when President Putin  put in a final bill for it's gas supply see  Gazprom  (   The EU and Russia are continuing to fight this out in the UKraine. Don't mention referendums. 

Step Two started with the American TV Series 'LOST'  -  A never ending emotive character based story that hooked millions of people into believing that missing aircraft aren't really doomed at all.   Following the  hijacking of a  passenger plane in the South Indian Ocean, -  the other side of the world were busy flashing their 'apparel'  and exposing thier tools of the trade, exhibiting their latest radar infrared and survellaince, search and rescue systems,  sonars devices along with submergable equipment and revealing the full  extent of their combined military forces, the MoD and US Defence installation at Fylingdales were busy checking their pension contributions against redundancy payments and asking how long have we got left?  More than the four minute warning we get ? 

Step Three - After Bingo Bob visited Boulby a plan was made to tunnel further out into the North Sea to link the Moors up with Belarusa, by passing Poland (because the Daily Mail says they are all here now anyway) .  Anyhow the US Dept of Incorporation with some insider knowledge from Ed Asquith (who had completed an under cover mission to the Ukraine)   got wind of this devious plot and decided to Release the Krachen!  Unfortunately, Siemens (in a bid to rebrand Germany as quite cute really)  built one of these instead: , then Quadrilla was sent in to breath fire up the renewable energy and windfarm's back sides, based in and around Hull, where they are secretly building Noah's Ark.

Meanwhile back in Whitby pilgrims are arriving for the Celebration of Easter, but thats another story .... something to do with snakes .... and not been able to get a bus except every other Thursday :-)

Still tuned in?   RALMHO - pick a card, any card, only one mind:

Option  2:




Capt. 'Bob''s picture

Going Dutch on the Environment

"Director of water, land and industrial development at RoyalHaskoning DHV, Matthew Hunt, said: “The EIA really challenged our team to innovate in the way we considered some elements, particularly the assessment of each special quality on the National Park. These elements are hard to quantify, especially in terms of how the development would affect the public’s enjoyment of features of the park.

“But consent for this development clearly shows that it can be done. We developed new approaches, and learned a huge amount, which we can take forward onto other projects.”


Captain Qahn's picture

SXX: Low Tides

"Number cruncher Yuen Low said the meet and greet re-affirmed the company’s “positive trajectory”.

Restating his net present value-derived 65-82.5p price target range, Low outlined a number of potential catalysts for the stock, which is currently changing hands for 28p...

"Low said Sirius is negotiating what he described as “pain-gain” sharing agreement with the contractor sinking the shaft of the giant polyhalite mine. This would ensure the contractor is rewarded for finishing the job promptly, but penalised if work drags on.

The analyst also said minehead plans could reduce the complexity (and by extension the cost) of the project, while there may also be a low cost-alternative to the building from scratch an export facility on the River Tees.

For the Redcar Bulk Terminal (RBT) may be a viable, ready made option following the closure of the local steelworks.

“The use of RBT would remove/reduce the need to develop port facilities at Sirius’s adjacent greenfield Bran Sands site, in turn lowering tolling rates payable by Sirius (port financing/construction and operations are to be outsourced),” said Low.

“Repositioning of Sirius’s Teesside facilities next to the harbour could result in further savings.”"

Wot like Green Shield Stamps?

Empty vessels n all that ...

Context :-))

Oh, OK ... erm wot part No?

Now, about that Forrest 'dump'  

With compliments :-)



Benefitz Betty's picture

Bo Peep

"A powerful storm in western Romania has killed eight people and injured at least 67, officials say.

Most of the victims were in and around the city of Timisoara, where winds of up to 100km/h (60mph) brought down trees and tore off roofs.

Some water and electricity supplies have been cut.

"We weren't warned about this. The weather report only called for rain," Timisoara's mayor Nicolae Robu told TV channel Digi 24.

Romania's emergency services urged people to shelter indoors and avoid going near trees or power lines.

The storm is currently moving north towards Ukraine."


Captain Black's picture

South Bay - Jumanji

Harbour Task Group  Member 'Bob'  has called on the Scarborough Council to take urgent action on managing crocodiles in the South Bay following another sighting.

The call to arms follows the sighting of a crocodile, believed to be between 1.5 metres and 2 metres, at Cayton Bay on Monday night.

Witnesses claim the crocodile walked out of the water and sat on the beach just metres away from people for about half an hour.

Bob said he planned to take action against the Council's Portfolio holder and the two Scrutiny members for “the most obvious breach of duty of care”.

 Karen Bradtberg


So Graham Norton ...

Meanwhile locals are forming a 'Save the Crock' group ...


Capt. 'Bob''s picture

The Game Changers

"McKinsey defends its work around the world, saying that it will not accept jobs at odds with the company’s values. It also gives the same reason that other companies cite for working in corrupt or authoritarian nations — that change is best achieved from the inside.

“Since 1926, McKinsey has sought to make a positive difference to the businesses and communities in which our people live and work,” the company said in a statement.

“Tens of thousands of jobs have been created, lives improved and education provided thanks to the work we have done with our clients,” it added.

“Like many other major corporations including our competitors, we seek to navigate a changing geopolitical environment,” the company said, “but we do not support or engage in political activities.”

“like bats leaving a cave.”

"Put another way, it won’t work for free. The company’s one and only value is profit."



"Still, some analysts, veteran diplomats and experts on global governance see McKinsey’s role in a different light."

About those Clangers...

"It’s long been a rule of thumb for those in the know in many industries that if the freshly-minted MBA kiddies from McKinsey or from similar large management consulting firms show up at your company it’s time to start dusting off one’s CV.

They’re almost invariably brought in by an executive or by a major investor with an agenda in order to provide a sheen of validity and justification to whatever larger goal of power, greed, or cover-up of incompetence or malfeasance the client specifies.

McKinsey will usually send in a bunch of callow consultants, billed out at a huge premium, to “discover” things about the company that are common knowledge to most employees, do “innovative” analyses that are actually stale re-hashes of stuff found in B-school textbooks and case studies, and then come back with “conclusions” and action plans that support the agenda the client wanted in the first place.

It makes sense that McKinsey would take this basic business model of doing “independent” consulting for businesses and apply it internationally to autocratic and kleptocratic regimes..."

How Time Flies ;-)

"Six billion people on the planet, why do you have to pick on  .."

Anyone for Elvis?


Captain Black's picture

Bob 'Happy'

"Robert Goodwill said:

"I was assured that the staff currently working in Aberdeen Walk will be able to apply to be redeployed and work in the W.H.Smiths and indeed I hope they will apply.

They'll keep their pension entitlement and their eligibilty for possible future redundancy. 

I hope they will apply for that, but I think some will apply for redundancy. Fewer people use the Post Office, for example, you can now tax vehicles online.

I've been talking to people about the Post Office and I've got to say, the majority of people I speak to say they hardly ever go into it because they get their pensions paid straight into their bank accounts. 

They might go and buy the odd stamp, but we're in a new era."

Big Ears.

The 'Bob' mustav been Busy ...

Dusted... :-)l

Captain Black's picture

The Desk Top

"Pantomimes always involve a number of rituals and traditions and while not being particularly superstitious herself the director Katherine Hare is keen to uphold them.

She said: “You’ll notice the baddie always enters from stage left and the goodie should appear from stage right. Also the last line of a panto is never spoken until the final dress rehearsal,’’ she said.

Adam takes on the role of Abanazar, the wicked magician pretending to be Aladdin’s uncle. Other characters are Wishee Washee played by Gary Jerry, Rosanna Harris is Princess Jasmine, Adam Bailey plays Aladdin and David McKechnie is The Emperor. There are also two teams of local girls in the chorus.

Katherine began in the theatre as an actress before switching to directing in her late twenties. She is currently the resident director with the West End show Bat Out Of Hell.

Her biggest challenge in this panto was a race against time, with only one week’s whole show rehearsal before heading into the theatre for the technical rehearsals..."


Captain Black's picture

Tantalising Remains

"Archaeologists call this lost terrain Doggerland, named after the Dogger Bank, a submerged sand bank in the North Sea about 100 kilometres off England's east coast.

It was once covered in vast forests and grasslands stretching, at their greatest extent, up to southern Scandinavia and across to the Netherlands and France..."

"Of all the places that we looked, how many of them have music?" he said. "The answer is all of them."


How very odd..